I *so* do not feel like going for a run this morning. Gah, need more sleep. MoOooooOOOre SlEEeeeeEEEP.

Shut up. Stop whingeing. It is only going to be 11K.

Don wanna. Ow, you feel that? My knees are hurting. Ouch OUCH. Maybe I have ITB problems. I really shouldn’t mess around with my ITB. I should probably just go home.

You do not have ITB problems. Don’t be pathetic, you have been running for all of 500 metres. And it has all been downhill so far.

Grumble mumble bumble. That’s IT. I am sick of this. Look, a nice wooden thing to sit down on just before the trail starts. I might stop there for a bit. [sits down and stares into space for a couple of minutes]

I can’t believe you are stopping when you haven’t even got onto the trail yet. For crying out loud, Nudge says we have been only going for 1.7K so far. [watches super fit young chaps sprinting around the corner] Oh, pants.

We should go back. I am not enjoying this. Everything hurts.

We can’t go back. That would make our “long run” only 3.4K. You can’t have a long run which is shorter than every other run you do during the week. And anyway, what about Em and Jo who can’t run at all. Imagine if they could see you now. For shame.

[hangs head in shame]

[gets up and starts running again]

But maybe we could just go for a short run instead of a long run? We could turn around at 3K or something.

We have to go at least 8K today. As it is all this moping around means that the furthest we can go is 10K otherwise we won’t be back in time. Anyway, going 8K just means that we have to go another 2K or so before the turn around.

Oooh, a toilet. I really need to go. I’ll just stop and go to the toilet and maybe get a drink of water. And stretch a bit. And enjoy the view for a while. Then I can start again.

Okay, you’ve had your flippin toilet break. Keep going. If you go another 2.5K then you can turn around and that will make it 10K.

My quads are hurting now. Not that *you* care. I could have torn muscles. I could have a flesh eating virus and you’d be all “keep going, run 10K” Pah.

Look, we have just passed the turn around point for a 6K run. This is easy, two to go.

Gah. Need to stop.

What’s wrong, need to stretch?

No, just need to stand by the side of the path glaring at the creek and thinking up creative swear words.

Get moving again. 1.5K to go.

1K to go.

500m to go.

200 to go.

150 to go.

75 to go.

20 to go.

Can I just turn around here?

You can’t be serious. Run another 20 metres until nudge beeps. [beep].

Ahh, now I can stop. Just to celebrate that I don’t have to run further away from home any more.

Get moving. Did you notice that you almost beat your training milestone for that 5K again? The times that you were actually moving, that is.

Hey, you know what? This is kind of fun. It’s much easier going back this way.

Yeah, this is a blast, the time is just flying by. That’s 2K already.

Wheeeeeeeeee.

Hey, there’s the toilets again, you can try out that gel that you wanted to test.

How do I get it open? My hands are all sweaty.

Don’t use your teeth.

What are you, my mother? Ugh, that is disgusting. It’s not like it tastes bad, but it is slimy and viscous and… actually, you know what it is like?

I know. And it’s even the right colour.

Eeeeew.

Certainly an odd association for the middle of a run. Let’s go.

Look, a downhill – Wheeeeeeeeeee.

Swing by that tap, my hands are still sticky.

Eeeeeew.

Hey look, we’re back at the start of the trail already. Yay.

OMG did I just run that pace on the 7th K of a long run?

Looks like it. Here’s the hill. Let’s go for the negative split.

Yay, running up the hill. Ouch. Don’t like this as much.

Keep going, just 500m to go, we are on track.

Run, Forrest, Run!!

Ooh, that lady is talking to us, can you hear what she is saying?

Um, she’s got an accent, I can’t quite understand her. Just smile.

You know what, we shouldn’t have smiled. That lady is crackers.

Run away! Run away! Race you to the milkbar.

We did it!! Negative spliteroony!

And now I don’t have to run any more today!!